Modern Mama

While it is always fun to write about big romantic gestures and fun adventures, one area in relationships that often gets missed in the busyness of everyday life is the small daily connections that really strengthen relationships. This can be an extra kiss, compliment, or question about your partner’s day. I know nothing makes me feel more loved than my husband asking me to slow dance in our kitchen when we are making dinner. Though even without meaning to its easy to lose sight of these small but meaningful gestures when we are in the throes of just keeping our heads above water. There is always another work email to send, the baby needs a diaper change, or the cat’s litter box needs cleaned. The to do list never ends but its still important to make a little bit of time each day for your partner.

A turning point for me was when I was listening to a relationship podcast called “Marriage Therapy Radio” (which I would highly recommend if you are looking for real relationship advice from Gottman Certified Marriage Counselors) and they recommended trying out an app called “Paired”. My husband and I just do the free version which simply has us fill out a different prompts everyday about a wide variety of topics from family, intimacy, what we like about our partner, our dream vacation, etc. and I was really surprised on how much of a difference this has made. The prompts literally take less than 5 minutes to complete and the best part is is that your partner can’t see your answer until they have also answered the question which is a great incentive especially if you really want to know what their answer is. There is also a paid version that allows you to play games, take more in depth quizzes, and go on journeys that target specific topics such as navigating conflict or prioritizing quality time. Just as a quick side note, I am not compensated in any way for either of these recommendations. They are just really good resources that I love using on a regular basis.

The “Paired” app has really opened up a lot of different types of conversations so we never run out of things to talk about and has been a fun way to improve our communication. I didn’t realize how many assumptions I was making about my husband until we started using this app. Now I have a much better understanding of him, what he is currently striving for, and what he likes and doesn’t like about our current life. I usually have a hard time sticking to new habits but the app has made it really easy to do and I often find myself excited to find out what the new prompt is each day.

For those that want to take it up another notch, another great tool that I learned about on the “Marriage Therapy Radio” podcast is to just simply ask your partner what can I do today that would make you feel more loved. This simple trick takes out all the potential for rejection when you are trying to do a sweet gesture and really makes your partner feel special since you are helping them with whatever they need the most that day. This has saved a lot of hurt feelings on my end because there is nothing more defeating than doing something that you think your partner will love just for them to not notice or care and it has been great to see the thought my husband puts into his answers since the way its phrased really makes you stop and think what would make you feel loved that day. Not to mention this has also led to some new insights into what my husband needs to fill his love tank and usually is a different answer depending on what is going on that day so its also given me the opportunity to show love in ways I wouldn’t have thought to. He has also started asking me this question back which has been amazing! But no matter what you do just making it a habit to show a little love to your partner every day goes a long way so just have fun with it.